July 18, 2012
Running Out of Time
I can’t believe I only have two more weeks left in Piacenza and am about to begin my summer adventures. These past two years have gone by so slow and so fast at the same time. I think the hardest thing was being away from loved ones. While I was able to make friends here that I value very much, and was able to visit my Italian relatives occasionally, it doesn’t quite compare to the decade long bonds I have at home. The distance between the United States and Italy always remained large. And while Piacenza has become a home to me, it’s not where I belong in the long run. Not sure about Italy as a whole. My circumstances didn’t allow me to experience living in another city, such as my dream to live in Rome. Perhaps if I had a more diverse two years abroad, I would have a different opinion now.
Regardless, I do not want my experience in Piacenza to sound like a negative one, because it was far from it. The things I’ve learned here will last a lifetime; from truly being on my own for the first time where I couldn’t run home to Mommy and Daddy for help, to being challenged everyday to grow as a person and face my weaknesses head on. Personally, I’ve learned to be more patient, live and let God, and to simply enjoy life more instead of being as much as a control-freak as I was before. Some of my best memories were risky behavior or unplanned occasions (parental advisory). In my relationships, I’ve learned how to communicate better when there is often language/cultural barriers that can skew messages, how to maintain important relationships at home, and how to step away from relationships at home that were unhealthy or one-sided. Intellectually, I was challenged in the classroom to really have to push myself academically and adapt to a new system. I’ve achieved grades and goals that I never dreamed possible in this program. Professionally, my internship has made me feel valuable by working in a place where my skills are appreciated. This produced a new found confidence that I will carry with me through my job search this coming fall back in the States.
I can’t help but feel that I am running out of time. The list of things I wanted to do abroad and haven’t done is large. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. Other times I recognize how busy I was and the financial constraints I have. I’m very lucky I was able to stay the second year, even if I’m counting pennies these last few months. Instead of focusing on all I wasn’t able to accomplish, I’ve compiled this list as a snapshot of my two years in Piacenza. Some comical, some serious, but all part of my growing process.
Best memory: IBWE preparation, and all the fun we had going out June and July of the first year
Best laugh: playing American drinking games with red solo cups with an international group of friends
Best cocktail: tie between a Spritz and Caprioska alla fragola
Best drunk night: Sonnambula pregame and club, July 2011….everyone who was there knows exactly what I’m talking about!
Best house party: Mine, Charlotte, and Alexandra’s graduation party
Best European trip: Stuttgart, Germany
Best day-trip: Genova with Bobby and Regan
Best meal: Pizza Margherita in Napoli
Best friends: Annika, Klara, Veyis, Laura, Olivia, Gaia, Lauren, and Carlos (who have been particularly there for me through hard times)
Best challenge: Cheerleading for IBWE
Best tears: crying after graduated and drinking a bottle of prosecco on the Cattolica steps
Most difficult exam (that I passed!): Spanish
Easiest exam: Supply Chain
Darkest moment: getting sick this past January-February
Brightest moment: finding an internship
Best Italian word: la voglia
Best Italian word I invented: final-fuckin-mente
Best non-Italian yet foreign word: Stock im Arsch (german for “nerd”)
Best “fuck you” moment: graduating Triennale in February after all the stress Cattolica put me through
Most humbling moment: making friends with Piacentini
Best food find: Piadina, Tortelli, and Tosello’s pizza
Thing I’ll miss the most: tanning on the terrace with good friends on a Saturday, drinking Spritz, and then going out dancing at night. The perfect day.
Best WTF Italy moment: no AC in the gym....in 90+ degrees humid weather
Best "che bella Italia!" moment: meeting strangers in Pescara who welcomed me with open arms and treated me to a wonderful night out
Best FML moment: rob missing his flight at Malpensa airport because of public transportation issues, and me hysterically crying to the Alitalia representative in broken Italian. $1000 later for a new ticket.... FML
Best "why I came to Italy" moment: this is going to sound nerdy, but having an intellectually stimulating discussion with international students from different backgrounds. This always made me feel that my education was worthwhile here.
Best "why the hell did I come to Italy" moment: whenever I'm broke and the Euro exchange was high! And basically any experience involving TreniItalia or a bus.
In the end, this has been the best two years of my life and I am so fortunate to have lived in Piacenza. I had always wanted to return to Italy because of my roots. I have never felt quite American and never quite Italian, and being trapped somewhere in the middle always made fitting in feel extra difficult in either country. I’m curious to see what my re-entry will be like in the fall. I’m sure the first few weeks will be filled with joy and fun as I reunite with friends and family without having to say goodbye so quickly. But I have a feeling that once the excitement dies down, I will begin to feel “lost” again. With starting a career and the wedding coming up, it is unlikely that I will be back in Italy for at least 2-3 years. This is going to be hard for me, and I’m not yet sure how to cope with it.
My summer adventures start with a 2 week trip with Rob and my future in-laws (first time in Europe!) to Venezia, Firenze, Roma, and Sicilia. Then my parents arrive in our town Castellammare where we will spend 3 weeks just hanging out on the beach and visiting relatives. On September 4th, I meet my American childhood friends, Amanda and Ali, in Dublin for a week. Amanda and I will then continue our trip spending one day in London to see Les Miserables, a few days in Roma, and then back to Piacenza for a week for my thesis dissertation and graduation from the Masters program.
Even with all these wonderful things to look forward to, I still can’t help but feel that I am running out of time. I guess you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s fading away and reality begins to sink in. Adulthood, finding a job, marriage, bills and loans to pay….lots of new stress as I leave the old stress of my youth behind. I hope I can find a way to focus on enjoying the time I DO have left, instead of anticipating the future so much. I guess that aspect of my personality will never change.
Jackie <3
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